I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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