she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is it penis luge time yet?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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