I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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