i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
