pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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