He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
