Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
