Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
