i think my tv is drunk
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
