so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
