I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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