when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
