Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
