so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
