1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
