Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
