Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
