Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
