Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
