It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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