you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
