Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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