HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
