Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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