i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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