Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
