end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
