I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
