He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
