Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My cat gives me a boner
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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