you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
