i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish i was in the wii world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
