Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
