I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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