Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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