Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
