I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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