chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
