Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
