Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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