On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
