i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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