What a fucking waste of an outfit
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to make out with him forever
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
