he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
