i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
