i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
