Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
