stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
