i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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