Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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