I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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