I wish they made helmets for livers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
